Monday, September 14, 2015

Financial Sarcasm Roundup for 09/14/15 (special Dreamforce 2015 edition)

I am officially registered for Dreamforce 2015, the annual Salesforce motivational festival. I picked up my blogger badge today and you will all get to see it as I blog my way through the action this week. Here are some sneak previews with today's fun.

I attended one of the kickoff parties that Salesforce's many partners use to show off their products. The booze was flowing and the cheese plates were filled to the brim. Apttus throws a pretty good bash. I went up to the Marriott Marquis' Presidential suite to see what Apttus had to show us all.

Apttus had these cookies laid out, all wrapped up and everything. They were made in the image of Marc Benioff, CEO of Salesforce. I find this both unbelievable and awesome. I ate this cookie plus a bunch of other goodies before I went over to the bar for Jello shots. The cookie was classic sugar shortbread, just like your grandparents used to make way the heck back in ye olden days of yore.

Alright, this personality cult is getting out of hand. That's a Lego sculpture of Marc Benioff's bust. Now I need another Jello shot. I should mention that the Jello shots were made with tequila and garnished with an edible flower. I have made "drunken gummys" myself, which are chemically similar to Jello shots.

It wasn't all fun and games up at the Presidential suite. One of the Apttus reps gave me the rundown of how a customer contact spreadsheet in Excel can immediately update a Salesforce contact record via the Apttus interface. I don't need any CRM in my line of work but a lot of people should pay attention.

The Dreamforce massive tech explosion officially starts tomorrow. I am so totally super-psyched. There are usually lots of hot babes at Dreamforce and I fully expect the single ones to find my manliness compelling. It may take a few more Jello shots but I'm sure I can handle the action.