Saturday, February 13, 2016

Financial Sarcasm Roundup for 02/13/16

Most people go out for fun on Saturday nights. Staying home to publish sarcasm is my idea of fun.

Apple is about to throw new versions of its hottest products at consumers. I believe Apple's most fervent customers are the same kinds of too-rich, too-dumb people I meet at San Francisco VIP events. Only a moron pays a premium every 18 months for an updated product with only incremental capability upgrades. Young urban trendies have to show off shiny gadgets because they live for today. They will have no retirement portfolio for tomorrow.

More banks will face Libor manipulation action. The ones that were too dumb or too greedy to settle early with regulators are going to bite the bullet. Only dummies and crooks try to rig markets anyway. The lack of Libor transparency cries out for an international regulatory solution. The World Bank and IMF are welcome to call me anytime if they want my help.

Greece's weak pension plan jeopardizes its chance for more bailouts. The story never ends. Greece ran out of game theory options last year and is now prostrate. Angry farmers who don't like contributing more to their pension funds will be even angrier when their future pensions won't even buy a gyro. I don't mind making jokes about gyros because the rest of the world makes fun of American hot dogs and hamburgers.

Sunday may shape up to be even more sarcastic than Saturday.