Monday, December 21, 2015

Financial Sarcasm Roundup for 12/21/15

Here comes the special Christmas holiday 2015 edition of my sarcasm. Tonight I spent a brief interlude at CoInvent's holiday party at General Assembly's San Francisco office. The party was fine and I got my fill of free booze. I can't complain about parts of the startup ecosystem that competently execute their business models. I can only blast some sarcasm at other parts of Silicon Valley culture that are not living up to their reputations.

I spoke with one longtime contact at tonight's party who sells office furniture. He remembers the 2001 dot-com crash all too well, and how easy it was to pay bargain prices for like-new high-end office furnishings. I mentioned the recent deflation of a few unicorn startups, you know, the ones with undeservedly high valuations. I'm pretty sure he can expect loads of office bargains coming his way soon as other unicorns fail to deliver on their early investors' expectations.

Everyone I met had something to pitch. Anyone who arrives at these types of things without a pitch should think of one really fast. My pitch was "I want free wine," and lo and behold the free wine materialized right in front of me. That was fast. I didn't even have to ask. I did ask for free food but none was forthcoming. Only one of my two pitches was effective.

The CoInvent holiday party intended to raise money for Charity: Water. I am all in favor of building clean water projects in developing countries. Before you know it, those underprivileged folks will be watering lawns and washing mud off SUVs just like we do here in the U.S. We can then teach them something about water conservation after they've wasted all of the water they never knew they could pump.

San Francisco tech events just aren't the same if I'm not gracing their presence. Techies flock to hear my wisdom when I attend anything. I celebrate the winter solstice with my own personal Saturnalia that lasts as long as I feel festive. Ancient people worshiped the gods of nature. Modern people worship the god of tech and finance . . . that would be me, yours truly, Anthony J. Alfidi.