Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Financial Sarcasm Roundup for 12/30/15

Social media users often tempt me to follow them down endless rabbit holes of replies. That is not how I prefer to spend my time. I would rather use my hours wisely in the pursuit of sarcasm.

The SEC's report on last August's volatility spike is out. It should have taken the SEC weeks, not months, to produce this report and it doesn't even draw any conclusions. A bunch of people at the SEC must be very concerned about how any hard evidence of malfunctioning markets would make them look bad or endanger their prospects with future employment on Wall Street. Fund managers are becoming very concerned about how liquidity interruptions in the bond market can trigger illiquidity in equity markets. They worry about being forced to sell stocks just to pay for bond fund redemptions. The SEC doesn't even get that the trading halts triggered in August can cause such illiquidity. We're sleepwalking into another market crisis and the SEC has no idea how to untangle its vine jungle of trading rules.

The wealthiest Americans have created their own private tax system. Affluenza has replaced civic obligation as the defining characteristic of this country's ruling elite. Rich people who claim they are willing to pay more in taxes aren't serious. Their claims are a stalking horse for increasing the burden on "tax donkeys" in the upper middle class of professionals who could displace them. I'll bet Bermuda is really nice this time of year. I wouldn't go there for vacation because these "income defense" people would just shoo me away. They don't even realize that they are the intended targets of their super-rich masters' desire to push the income tax burden downwards.

Bridgestone will allow Carl Icahn to walk away with Pep Boys. I think this deal is a play on the sharing economy for cars. Think about how car-sharing services will eventually hurt sales of new cars to Millennials who can't afford to drive anyway. Car-sharing services will still have cars on the road, driving constantly. Those cars will have to last longer and will need constant maintenance. Auto parts and services will always be in demand, even if corporations own most of the cars. Lots of aspiring Uber drivers can switch to jobs stocking parts at Pep Boys once Uber starts buying self-driving cars.

Let me get back to Bermuda as a tax haven. I don't see why Congress doesn't grant the same preferred status to Puerto Rico. Just think of all the professional income defenders who could then set up shop on that poverty-stricken island and help alleviate its insolvency. I guess the ultra-rich prefer to confine their tax donkeys to the same island where they take vacations, just to push them around in person. No one pushes me around. I'm a CEO, in case anyone forgets.