Monday, July 06, 2015

Financial Sarcasm Roundup for 07/06/15

The big thing driving the news cycle since yesterday is of course Greece's stunning rejection of further European diktats.  It just goes to show that you can't get blood from a stone.  There may be blood in the streets of Athens if someone doesn't airdrop some cash into the Balkans.  Alfidi Capital is here to offer some helpful suggestions for a few sovereign governments.

The EU needs to expel Greece immediately.  Broke banks holding unpayable bonds as collateral do not belong in a Continental currency union.  France and Germany can't publicly agree on which one should push Greece off the euro cliff.  They should both team up and give the little country a good shove.  I suspect the splatter at the bottom will resemble tzatziki sauce.  Spain and Italy are welcome to cliff-dive of their own volition if they think euro membership is a free ride.

Greece needs to clean up its act.  Retiring young and getting a bigger pension is not a recipe for productivity.  Gyros are not collateral for loans and an unstable society will not attract tourists.  The pensioners desperate for their daily 60 euro withdrawals can find work rounding up all of the illegal African and Middle Eastern refugees in the country.

The US has studiously maintained a safe distance from Greece's mess.  Any eleventh hour plan to dollarize the Greek economy or extend the Federal Reserve's swap lines directly to the Bank of Greece needs to be enacted now if such a plan exists.  Greece is welcome to apply for statehood in the US if it needs a new club to join.  It can sit right next to Puerto Rico in commonwealth status until both governments' unpayable sovereign debts are obliterated.

Global financial markets have yet to take the full measure of this crisis.  A few hedge funds are about to get totally clobbered in short order.  Quite a few more will bite the dust if Spain and Italy follow Greece's lead.  The smart money (including me) got away from most of the developed world's equities and bonds long ago.  Everyone else is in for an unpleasant taste of "broke sauce" assuming store shelves remain stocked.