Monday, June 08, 2015

Financial Sarcasm Roundup for 06/08/15

I played the role of catalyst tonight in a meeting with two San Francisco leaders who can really leverage each others' organizations.  That's more than I can say for the sorry parade of Wall Street executives and central bankers who keep blasting garbage into the world economy.  I am here to catalyze some sarcasm.

American CEOs aren't so bullish on the US economy's growth prospects after all.  More top honchos are waking up to the looming peak of record high corporate earnings.  That's still a tiny fraction of the collective C-suite.  The other chiefs are out playing golf, drinking, or nailing their secretaries.  Expect another survey revealing CEOs' opinions of themselves to be at record highs, with big bonuses to follow.

Extortionist cyberattacks are way up.  Adobe will face serious brand damage if it can't secure its Flash tech.  Good cyberdefense sleuths can trace the attacks back to Fu Manchu's terracotta army.  The folks on the other side of the Great Wall are plotting their next intrusion as we speak.  Lock your Google Wallet into your chastity belt.

San Francisco real estate is so pricey that even the slums should be getting rich.  I passed some boarded-up storefront in the Tendernob tonight.  It would probably rent for some gawd-awful sum to a VC-backed startup if the absentee landlord had the sense to convert it.  The dumbest startup ideas are still getting funded and they're blowing through cash like there's no tomorrow.

The weather in San Francisco was nice enough today that plenty of hot babes decided to wear revealing clothing.  Women around here have a high level of physical fitness.  That's something I really like about this town.  Keep those short sundresses coming, ladies.  I'll be around all summer.