Let's take a break from tracking the Sovereignty Crunch for a bit and talk about careers in financial services. This is for all of you young whipper-snappers out there who aspire to work on Wall Street with the likes of Gordon Gekko. Here are some tips that will get you on your way.
Have the right pedigree. This is probably the most important criteria for someone who wants to be a big shot on the Street. You should be able to trace your family's pedigree back through at least three generations of success in business, with at least some of that family history with a well-known investment firm. The following factors bear heavily on whether your pedigree is worthwhile:
- Ancestry qualifying for the Mayflower Society or Daughters of the American Revolution
- Family membership in the Social Register of a major American city for more than one generation
- Family membership in the Social Register of a major American city for more than one generation
- A mother who was a member of the Junior League or had her debut in a cotillion as a teenager
- A father who is a member of a very expensive country club or private dinner club
- Parents and grandparents who attended private boarding schools before college
Graduate from a top school. Investment firms don't hire their movers and shakers from Podunk State University. If your resume does not include a degree from a top school (Ivy League, Seven Sisters, or special exceptions like Stanford) then you will NOT be hired to work on Wall Street in anything other than an entry-level, menial capacity. You are in for a rude awakening if you think any old MBA is sufficient. Wall Street only hires MBAs from the top ten programs, so don't waste two years of your life and thousands of dollars on some piece of paper from any other school.
Get the right internship. This is something your well-bred parents should arrange for you as a right of passage into the family business. Wall Street firms don't allow just anyone to get internships; they reserve them for children of the ruling elite in exchange for access to their parents' networks for dealmaking. The right internship can also lead to a first job offer tracked within a management development program. Once again, these fast-track programs are reserved for children of prominent people, preferably relatives working at that firm. This is one way that private families retain control of public corporations.
Be physically attractive. A no-brainer. Model-quality looks will get you far on the Street. Be prepared to use them to close a sale or get a promotion. Effective tactics include flirting, bending over, and accepting business offers in exchange for sexual favors. If you don't like playing the game, don't expect to win.
Do not pose a threat to your boss. Their are many things you can do to undermine your boss' position in your plush Wall Street office. Among the big no-nos that will quickly derail your career:
- Tell the truth and refuse to tolerate lies
- Give a client what they want instead of what the firm wants them to have
- Know more than your boss about something job-related
- Become so competent at your job that co-workers come to you for advice instead of your boss or their own bosses
- Do something to make the firm money that your boss can't steal credit for doing
- Catch your boss making a mistake and offer a suggestion for fixing it before it poses a threat to the firm
If you can get the above things right, congratulations. You'll be a "success" on Wall Street. Nothing else really matters. Bear in mind that the FIRE Economy (finance, insurance, real estate) will probably end up being 25% of what it was in late 2007 as measured by both GDP share and employee headcount. Those Wall Street jobs that remain will be increasingly reserved for candidates born at the top of society.
If you are unable or unwilling to meet the above criteria, then for crying out loud start your own investment firm. The founders of BlackRock, PIMCO, and Charles Schwab all did it because they were dissatisfied with the way Wall Street was run. So did I.
