Alfidi Capital at Dreamforce 2017

Salesforce held its annual Dreamforce convention for 2017. I missed attending in 2016 so I definitely had to catch up. This is by far the most complex, high-profile, and costly corporate event I have ever experienced. The spectacle is always impressive. There's a ton of stuff going on all over the city, including affiliated events for people who want the Dreamforce experience but don't need to attend certification sessions. Here come several badge selfies, with summaries of some very rewarding events.

Alfidi Capital at Trailhead, Dreamforce 2017.

The Dreamforce designers had wood carvings and other outdoors decorations all over the ground floor of Moscone West, where the Trailhead exhibits dominated the event space. The chainsaw-made wood sculpture at the front door was such a nice touch. I was a Boy Scout once and I never was very skilled at woodcarving. People who complete Salesforce training modules earn badges that look like Scouting merit badges. It's all so positive and benign, you'd almost think no one is making a buck off people. Dreamforce is an amusement park for techies.

Alfidi Capital at Customer Success Expo, Dreamforce 2017.

The Customer Success Expo was festooned with the latest tech tricks, and a whole floor of exhibitors giving away free coffee and T-shirts. I scored enough coffee and candy to fuel my entire week. It takes a lot to get me excited sometimes, but free goodies never hurt. I got some hands-on time with several AR/VR displays, which are becoming very common at major tech shows.

Fake rock cliff on Howard Street, Dreamforce 2017.

The Trailhead logos and mascots were front and center in many ways. I don't know whether the real Albert Einstein ever went to the woods, but Salesforce has him climbing fake rock cliffs with fake animals. Pop music tribute bands played on the outdoor stage. I wonder which Dreamforce attendees came just to goof off on Howard Street and not tell their head office back home. I only had time for the free coffee and snacks at various places on Howard Street, because that's how I totally score in between events at Dreamforce.

Radius B2B Champions Club, Dreamforce 2017.

I attended the Radius B2B Champions Club affiliated event to get a fresh perspective on, what else, B2B sales. The new B2B buzzwords are revenue operations (RevOps), Chief Revenue Officer, Chief Product Officer, and Account-Based Marketing (ABM). The CEO's span of control is expanding as executive suites decide they need more complex teams enabling their work. Marketing ops people can join MOCCA for the full flavor of sales tech buzzwords. Remember ABM because vendors are building services around the concept.

I believe DevOps teams have become a mechanism for discovering new revenue sources via ABM, using IT systems to establish links between sales (account managers) and marketing (product development). They find data to demonstrate new sales opportunities. DevOps generally means integration of different functional silos' contributions to the enterprise's strategic plan. It matters because goals are now aligned and validated by data rather than assumptions.

Here's new math: sales + marketing = revenue ops. Hmmm . . . DevOps + RevOps = Bonanza! I cannot claim to have coined the term "RevOps" because revenue operations is already in action at firms doing ABM.

Listening to sports marketers talk about how they use tech made me smack my head. I can't believe that old-school pro sports talent scouts still refuse to use Moneyball metrics. Sometimes adoption of new techniques unequivocal management support to either use the new method or be fired. Jeff Bezos did this at Amazon to make development products compatible with public interfaces, thus paving the way for Amazon Web Services and the cloud.

Executive Briefing Center, Dreamforce 2017.

The Dreamforce Keynote with CEO Marc Benioff was more low-key than I recall from years past. It's always cool to hear Mr. Benioff talk about love, family, and magical mahalo stuff. People love the guy when he does that. Giving props to Salesforce's big corporate clients enhances his persona as the noble bringer of light and wisdom. My goodness, no wonder Dreamforce is such a costly spectacle, because it costs a fortune to buy such an image of generosity. I trust the guy, and I understand the need for a spectacle to convince everyone else that doing the right thing is worthwhile. Using relatable people as expert examples of Salesforce power users in the keynote's vignettes is a very effective way to make emotional connections in marketing. I have to hand it to Mr. Benioff and his image consultants for pulling off this masterstroke of sincerity.

The keynote rolled out the Trailhead learning platform as some white label solution, much like their Einstein AI predictive analytics solution. Co-Founder Parker Harris did not wear a costume this year. I was disappointed that he had no skit to play. The good news is that Salesforce is now attached to some Google platforms. I'm sure I'll know more about that once I complete some of Google's free training modules. I tried not to LOL that their vignette touting a mobile sales platform used the same scenario (shopping for customized athletic shoes tied to a celebrity's brand) that Oracle OpenWorld 2017 used in a major product keynote. I can't make this stuff up.

Ops-Stars, Dreamforce 2017.

I spent some time at the Ops-Stars affiliated event. I really wanted to hear what a VC had to say about his investment criteria, and he surprised me by emphasizing a "go-to-market architecture." The cloud sector's declining costs and increasing quality must make it easier than ever for startups to immediately have world-class IT architecture. The VC guy clearly used the term "RevOps," so my chance to claim ownership of the term vanished into thin air. Oh well, my genius is sufficiently expansive to pioneer other concepts. Any ops team is the CEO's direct strategic presence within a functional silo, so the innovation of RevOps removes the thinking and planning function from sales and aligns marketing with sales in a fusion cell. If you can follow my paraphrasing of that VC's wisdom, then congratulations, you may be qualified to work in RevOps.

It sounds like integrating DevOps and RevOps into an enterprise's strategic plan requires a knowledge management officer (KMO) to synch them. An integrated approach to participating in different functions' working groups is definitely under a KMO's purview. RevOps still uses recognizable KPIs like LTV and CAC, so we don't need a completely new vocabulary.

Alfidi Capital at Sales Enablement Soiree, Dreamforce 2017.

The Sales Enablement Soiree was another affiliated event that I found intriguing. I had never heard of the "sales enablement" discipline. I worked in sales once and we had "sales support" people who programmed product training. The sales systems have obviously evolved. The Salesforce people were on hand talking up Trailhead for employee on-boarding. It is hard to believe that business leaders still need to "buy in" to enablement, or maybe that imaginary obstacle is just more rationale for an upsell into Trailhead. I cannot find an industry standard definition of sales enablement, so I'll offer my own. Sales enablement is an internal function ensuring sales teams are trained on product knowledge, certifying them on the corporate message, and collaborating on content production.

Other Salesforce keynotes back at the main Dreamforce event clarified a few things. A "Trailblazer" is someone who uses the Trailhead platform. Customer service systems can now instantly perform multifactor ID authentication (i.e., facial and voice recognition) on mobile. The Einstein AI auto-generates graphs produced from the user's data priorities. It's all so pretty to watch from the audience. It must be even more fun up close for users.

Mascots dance at Equality Keynote, Dreamforce 2017.

The Dreamforce Equality Keynote had something to do with art and activism. Expect professionally unqualified cultural icons to assume leadership roles when political leaders' inaction leaves a vacuum. Americans follow celebrity leadership anyway, so most people won't notice the change. One of the celebrity panelists argued that setting political speech to music gives it mass appeal, moving the media and politics. We saw in 2016 and 2017 how extremists can use the same techniques to promote bigotry and hatred. Look no further than the foreign bots pushing derogatory memes on social media to divide Americans. If artists are fighting back in the name of freedom and equality, then they're doing the right thing for America.

Einstein AI solution, Dreamforce 2017.

The Compassion in Action Keynote was difficult for me to witness. I have experienced that building compassion into organizations denies human nature; productive people are grasping, vicious, and cutthroat because our species evolved to favor those qualities. Even advocates for compassion recognize how humans respond to transactional initiatives, because generosity must have some self-interest payoff to be sustainable. Allow me to set aside my skepticism for once and recognize some truly good things in this keynote. It's good that we now have evidence that people want to work for companies that offer compassion, meaningful work, and support during adversity. It's classic Stoicism to identify one's own emotional triggers and rehearse a controlled response that is productive and maintains emotional equilibrium. These Dreamforce keynotes do offer good life advice. Marc Benioff brought out a surprise guest at the keynote's end: Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich. Mr. Benioff convinced Metallica on short notice to headline a relief concert for the Santa Rosa wildfire victims. I totally agree with Mr. Ulrich's stated formula for enduring success: look forward, be open to inspiration, and have empathy when working with others.

Dreamforce 2017 was a winner. It is the place to be for ginormous amounts of free wisdom. The outside world gets to see San Francisco and Silicon Valley at their best when sales and marketing types converge at Dreamforce. Sometimes getting people to do good is as simple as cajoling them into a decent mindset.

The Haiku of Finance for 04/01/16

Low selling cycle

Inventory standing still

Find new incentives

The Haiku of Finance for 03/18/16

Promising rainbows
Sales rep lied about treasure
Fool's gold in the pot

The Haiku of Finance for 11/13/15

Selling sarcasm
Many people won't buy it
They want hope instead

The Financial Adviser's Standard Deception

I used to be a financial adviser a decade ago. I had no success at a wealth management firm from 2005-2006. I told dozens of prospects exactly what I would do and made good on my word. No one cared. I learned why after interacting with some of the humans who did succeed. Financial advisers and their sales managers have a large bag of tricks they deploy against clients.

One corporate trainer I encountered early in my financial career built his entire training script around pushing people's emotional buttons. Humans make decisions around greed and fear. Emotional impulses trigger rash, irresponsible decisions and lots of financial advisers count on that to make money. Cajoling a client into discussing their hopes and dreams reveals a host of emotional buttons the adviser will push. Like in sales jobs anywhere, a cynical understanding of human weakness pays off. The difference in financial sales is that pushing a short-term emotional button can harm a client's long-term financial worth if they're pushed into an expensive or unsuitable product.

Insincere commitment is another standard financial adviser trait. The best actors can portray sincerity. Sociopaths are also convincing when they say something knowingly false. Financial sales jobs attract large numbers of actors and sociopaths because they can be persuasive all day without troubling their souls. Detecting fake sincerity is difficult. Poker players and law enforcement officers are among the few professions who develop skills in reading people. Maybe fraud investigators for insurance companies can figure out liars. It takes time and practice to read someone's body language and facial expressions for the "tells" of insincerity.

I had no bag of tricks as a financial adviser. I relied upon my intellect and integrity, and I told my bosses that's exactly what I thought was most valuable about myself. My bosses laughed at me. They bragged that painting a dreamy picture in a client's imagination was more important than giving them what they said they wanted. In a bizarre way, their insights into human nature had some merit. Most humans prefer self-deception and will paradoxically respect those who deceive them. I refused to deceive my contacts and that's one big reason why they refused to entrust me with their wealth. The human race will need a strong evolutionary leap to validate my business approach.

Nota bene: I am not a financial adviser, and I have not been one since I left UBS in December 2006. Alfidi Capital is not a financial advisory firm or brokerage of any kind. Readers will only find the truth here, not advice or deception.

Dreamforce 2015, Day 4: Oceans, Mindfulness, And Wrapping Up

The final Dreamforce 2015 day felt like attendance was dropping off. Maybe people were hungover from the previous night's Dreamfest bash. All of that booze had to go somewhere and it sure didn't go into my mouth. I had three major events on my Friday agenda, besides scoring more free food, and I hit them all.

The ocean innovation panel was totally worth my time. Microplastic concentrations are increasing everywhere and disturbing the ocean's food supply chain. I have been waiting for the "marine industrial revolution" ever since I first noticed a couple of ocean floor mining stocks at the San Francisco Hard Assets Conference a decade ago. Those stocks have always traded in the pennies, and other attempts at ocean mining of manganese nodules, rare earth elements, and other minerals have all fizzled due to prohibitive costs and logistics. The innovators on this Dreamforce stage are mostly focused on gathering data about how human activity impacts the oceans. Crowdsourced Big Data will help us stop fishing piracy and preserve the export income of fishing-dependent emerging economies. I see an IoT theme in the plan for satellites and sensors that can estimate ecosystem size and wildlife migration patterns.

I tried to think of ways our ocean innovators could monetize their concepts. I have thus far come up empty. Financial incentives for recycling the floating plastic collecting in ocean gyres would have to include something analogous to carbon credit markets for air pollution. The last big tech idea to solve oceanic problems was to drop iron filings into the deep blue sea to help plankton stimulate the food chain. The science on iron fertilization is incomplete, so science needs the Big Data on ocean conditions pronto.

The Friday marathon themed keynote is usually the least data-driven part of Dreamforce. It's still entertaining but most attendees are too tired by this day to do the heavy lifting of more cloud computing. This year's theme for the fun lectures was "mindfulness," a topic suited to the amorphous spirituality of many San Francisco Bay Area people. Scraping away the pop-culture veneer leaves a core of knowledge comparable to ancient mystery schools. The subject is probably a fruitful training resource for military leaders and intelligence professionals who must think clearly under stress. Now you see my interest in the topic given my background. Namaste, and all that.

The most useful mindfulness speaker was Chade-Meng Tan, Google's Jolly Good Fellow and one of its earliest employees. He developed a mindfulness approach through his Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute that is part of Google's emotional intelligence curriculum. Engineers approach undefined problems armed with data and principles from modern neuroscience. The data augments the traditional practices of spiritual masters who needed several generations of trial and error to produce personal enlightenment in students. I totally agree with Meng that remaining calm under stress is a leadership skill. I experienced a Zen moment when he described the "Big Sky Mind" concept, so do your Google search of that term and understand that we are not our emotions. Meng found that the best performing leaders score high in affection, and he confirmed this with US military special operators and combat pilots. That's all the confirmation I need.

Padmasree Warrior and Larry Brilliant are probably living national treasures. I will not attempt to restate their wisdom on my humble blog. Their influential writings are within everyone's reach thanks to Google. Highly evolved human masters can speak for themselves. Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield gave us some practical tips on staying calm while solving problems. I like the concept of imagining an enlightened master entering one's body to help accomplish a goal. I would probably imagine a historical figure or modern luminary who actually built something real. Marc Benioff's acolytes in Salesforce would probably imagine him as the Buddha embodiment entering their personas. If it works, use it.

Goldie Hawn was the final mindfulness speaker, pictured above. She was the least professionally qualified person to be on stage for this topic, but she was here because she has been on stage all her life. She shared personal stories of her overly sensitive childhood and anxiety attacks as a rising Hollywood starlet. It was embarrassing to hear her wax ecstatic for the 1970s transcendental meditation movement. She claims we create our reality . . . well, that kind of "woo" sells a lot of books. It worked for Shirley MacLaine when she was pitching New Age stuff in the 1980s.

I really hope Goldie's video from Dreamforce gets a public release. Unserious people should not run large projects. Her educational foundation is a nice hobby for a Hollywood star, nothing more. The lady is not a neuroscientist, psychologist, or even a peer-reviewed philosopher. It's okay for mindfulness programs to employ celebrities as spokespeople because they are great at staying in character. They're just not so great at running programs outside their natural expertise. Goldie briefly lapsed into ditzy blonde mode towards the end of her talk when she tried to explain the brain's amygdala. Goldie has stayed in character her entire career. The funny babe she played on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In is not just a character, because that's the real Goldie. I prefer to remember her that way instead of thinking about all of the people at Dreamforce who somehow gave her a standing ovation. I also prefer to remember her work in There's a Girl in My Soup, especially the scene where she gets out of bed wearing nothing. I would really like to remember her work in Wildcats, especially the scene where she's in the bathtub showing everything. Goldie still looks great in her older years, but she's not my type. I really am trying to show women more respect here, people. I respect Goldie for what she does best.

Meng Tan joined the other mindfulness speakers on stage and left us with awesome advice: "Be excellent to each other." I had my own mindful quote in my head: "And . . . party on, dudes." Those two lines complete the wisdom of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. The mindfulness marathon was some kind of adventure.

I went over to Moscone West for the final session with Marc Benioff and Parker Harris. I scored a prime seat for the next surprising spectacle, pictured above. Two big guys came out to sing Hawaiian-style songs, although I think the guitarist said he was from New Zealand. Anyway, these guys' warm-up act pumped the crowd with high-energy rhythms. Analysts and VIPs were in a conga line around the stage. A couple of very attractive babes were shaking it right in front of me. I totally respect their enthusiasm.

Marc and Parker answered a handful of tech-related questions about Salesforce products. Marc went gangsta for some sartorial reason but they did not have any epic rap battle. I bet George Zimmer could have set these guys up with some tuxedos from Generation Tux if they needed more style. Anyway, the absolute best moment came when one practitioner criticized immature language in some of Salesforce's marketing as insufficiently respectful of its audience's expertise. She thought that power users deserved more advanced, mature treatment. I was very impressed with the caring way that Marc probed the questioner for one specific improvement suggestion, and she offered it to the audience's applause. Wow. Marc then shared an internal employee consensus that developed on how marketing should address a prospect's CRM/cloud decision maker with a budget. Wow. I had just witnessed a major CEO spend more than 15 minutes in live, extemporaneous problem solving. I can get jaded sometimes, but now I really need to put aside my skepticism. Marc Benioff is the real deal. If he is the same in private as he is in public, then I will be doubly impressed.

Marc and Parker also had some advice for aspiring entrepreneurs. Here it is, paraphrased but unfiltered. Think more about solving problems and finding great people than building tech. Stay focused, work hard, build a great company. Get the timing right. Be happy; get away from unhappy situations (like when Marc was at Oracle). Take customer feedback seriously and adjust the product. Re-ask yourself the hardest questions in a continual process.

I don't think I can add any more to that pile of knowledge. My own knowledge base is now somewhat deeper thanks to Dreamforce 2015. I still plan to hold my own super tech fest someday. I'll invite Marc and crew to be VIP guests.

Dreamforce 2015, Day 3: Lightning, Tuxedos, Women, And Loud Guitars

Dreamforce is like the Super Bowl for sales technology enthusiasts. Vendors let their imaginations run wild with gimmicks and props that will get attention. The Salesforce people are the champs at pulling publicity stunts. I pull a few stunts of my own sometimes in between keynote addresses.

The latest Salesforce SaaS tool is Lightning, a reworking of the old dashboard with a cleaner layout and more customizable data feeds. I took the photo above at their big product pavilion. It is suitably dramatic and fits my energetic personality. Ordinary conference goers can look like Nikola Tesla playing with electric current. Salesforce people know their selfie special effects.

George Zimmer is applying a lifetime of retail clothing experience to his new startup, Generation Tux. I took a photo with the man himself at their booth. The emailed version came out poorly so this version next to my conference badge is the next best thing. I attended George's feature presentation and it was probably the most creative live display at Dreamforce. The guy played up his ageless pitch lines and compared himself favorably to a similar-looking . . . Most Interesting Man In The World. His marketing and tech team explained the cloud power behind their concept. I will be impressed if Salesforce's PaaS can handle logistics management for online retailers.

George is a master showman. He plans to officiate a wedding on New Year's Eve in Times Square while the big ball drops, and he finished with a flash mob dance troupe showing off his line of tuxedos. Kudos to George for accommodating gay couples who want tux rentals for their weddings. I had no idea that market research revealed how much control brides want over wedding details. Gay marriage brings a new twist on who gets to decide those details now. I also ran into the opening keynote's Hawaiian musicians at George's big pitch. My business life is full of such serendipitous moments. I don't get invited to weddings so this event was my proxy.

Speaking of business, it's my business to discuss some very important keynotes from the third day. Larry Brilliant from the Skoll Global Threats Fund described how innovators found many ways to beat biological nightmares. We can thank determined inventors for defeating smallpox and polio. The unscientific opponents of vaccinations deserve no thanks. Mindfulness advocates on Dreamforce's fourth day have a lot to chew on because alert people will innovate. Big Data makes digital disease surveillance cheaper and broader than ever for public health systems in developing countries.

Marc Benioff and Parker Harris got to tell famed tech journalist Kara Swisher about their progress in advocating for womens' careers. Marc admitted regrets for not doing more earlier in Salesforce's life, but I noticed he interrupted Kara several times when she was about to ask important questions. Male executives need to change that habit. I am dismayed to see that the term "micro-aggression" is now an acceptable description of workplace cultural traits. Men need to watch their language and bad habits, like interrupting someone, lest they be labeled micro-aggressors after they reach some unspecified threshold of unacceptable actions.

Kara's questions shed some light on how female thought leaders view controversial gender relations subjects like male privilege. White male backlash against perceived slights is increasingly evident in the rhetoric among Donald Trump's supporters. Women see The Donald's supporters as bewildering in the context of white male leadership in history. Middle class men have in fact seen stagnant real wages since the early 1970s, so perhaps we should not be surprised when the less informed among them seek scapegoats in minorities and women.

Marc mentioned Travis Kalanick's reluctance to grok Uber's need for a more public morality. Some CEOs really do need a backstage chat to frame moral images as brand-builders. Uber probably needs an intervention to prevent its culture from running off the rails. Send over Sheryl Sandberg to lead their Lean In circles. Maybe Parker could go instead; he was so proud of Salesforce's leader development programs that he mentioned it several times on stage.

It's too bad Marc gives himself a middling grade in supporting women's equality in the workplace. I'd give him a much better grade than the "F" I give myself. The bosses who treated me worst in life have all been women. I just don't like anyone, male or female, so I could never work at Salesforce.

Forrester Research had a very interesting talk on customer obsession from three of their leading folks. The age of the customer sounds like a big theme for them and I'll bet it sells a lot of consulting contracts. I would use the Forrester Customer Experience (CX) Index if I were actually selling things, but I'm not, so I read their insights just for kicks. I do not think a distinction between business technology and traditional IT is necessary to make the case for increased capex spend, as long as a smart CMO and CIO can show how it drives revenue. I have heard the term "mobile moments" at other conferences. Exploiting those moments in a simple enough context means having a buy button loaded into everything.

The heavily advertised women's panel featuring Jessica Alba and Susan Wojcicki was a can't miss event for yours truly. In times past I would have said something about admiring hot babes, but guess what, I really am trying to expunge bad attitudes from my life so I don't end up with Uber's branding problems or The Donald's reputation. Susan's sisters Anne Wojcicki and Janet Wojcicki are also quite accomplished. I did not know that Google started when its founders rented out Susan's garage. I noticed that these women don't mind discussing their hormones or motherhood rites with each other, even in front of large audiences. Women are different from me. No kidding.

Jessica shared one of her early adviser's lessons that if a business plan has more than 20 unanswerable questions, then it isn't ready for launch. One big unanswered question is what Jessica's venture, the Honest Company, will do about a lawsuit from a disgruntled customer. She did not discuss her company's legal challenges at all on the Dreamforce stage. The company's sunscreen left a lot of customers feeling burned. Jessica is known for her really nice skin tone and persistent tan. Her discussions of her products' development did not give me the impression that she is deeply familiar with the effects of chemistry on human skin. Contrast that with the answers Marc and Parker give to questions about how their SaaS products work. Gender equality matters, and so does technical competence.

I learned a few more things about gender relations. Paid maternity leave matters very much to working women. They are very concerned about job security in the absence of formal policy guarantees, either from employers or the federal government. I also noted the audience's very audible shocked reaction when moderator Gayle King said her post-partum physical appearance became a management concern when she returned to the newsroom. Wow, professional women are really sensitive to how others perceive their looks on the job. Wow. Men, take note. Every comment we make about a woman's physique in the workplace becomes a micro-aggression.

Talk of educating, training, and recruiting women in STEM careers was a big hit with this audience. Men in management need to take a serious look at women they can develop for advancement. Silicon Valley executives should of course advocate for diversity but that's tough to do when companies like Uber are in denial about their need for stronger morality. Jessica admits that she hires failed entrepreneurs who learned something at each failure. Her preferred strengths of hustle and common sense are fundamentally moral attributes. Moral failures are less likely to lead to introspective learning.

The third day ended with a big, loud, hard, Dreamfest music concert at Pier 70. That venue is perfect for outdoor rock and roll, plus more free food and booze than I've seen in a long time. I had my fill of hot dogs, fish and chips, and other fried comfort foods that absorbed the one glass of pinot noir I could hold. Gary Clark, Jr. gave a bluesy performance that channeled Stevie Ray Vaughan's spirit. The Killers have been on my mental playlist for a decade and I was thrilled to see them play live. "Mr. Brightside" was an awesome way to kick things off, and I wish they had played its sequel "Miss Atomic Bomb" but it was not meant to be. I was totally thrilled to hear the Killers cover Journey's "Faithfully," one of my favorite songs, even if it only lasted for one stanza.

I did not stay for the Foo Fighters although they headlined the show. I could not stomach more than one song of that group on my way out the gate to grab one more hot dog. Giant TV monitors showed Dave Grohl squatting in a chair screaming wildly. The most musically competent Foo Fighters song was "Big Me" and its parody candy commercial tells me everything about how this band parodies a real rock band. No thank you. I do not support rock bands who obnoxiously display their lack of musical skill. The Killers were harmonious, nuanced, and layered. Foo Fighters have always been monochromatic and uninspired; their entire sound is derivative of Nirvana's brief flash in the pan. The Killers are on one of my Spotify playlists. Find it and hear them yourselves.

Dreamforce's approach to planning the bus movements to and from Pier 70 showed the limits of software professionals' real world abilities. Software people have trouble understanding hardware precisely because logistics must move things around the real world that cannot be transported digitally. I made this remark to another Dreamforce guy walking into the Pier 70 gate for the show, and he high-fived me. I totally scored a "killer" observation at Dreamfest.

Dreamforce 2015, Day 2: Uber and Microsoft, With Music

I started the second day of Dreamforce 2015 with the event's free breakfast. Dreamforce opted to start today's breakfast of champions with the wimpy music of James Taylor and John Denver. The Press / Analyst Lounge opened soon afterwards and I could escape mediocrity there. Much better music would come later in the day.

Marc Benioff sat down with Uber's CEO Travis Kalanick for the first big event of the day. They had a fireside chat with no fireplace, a common convention in Silicon Valley. Travis said reliability is the most important part of Uber's service. Prompt pick-ups and safe rides were their measures of reliability. I would also measure driver courtesy but I guess that's the point of star ratings. I have never used Uber because mass transit is cheaper in urban areas. Travis said Uber's neighborhood heat maps help direct more driver supply to areas where demand is greatest. Their operations research overlay on top of their logistics network helps predict a supply / demand imbalance.

I think it is unrealistic to assume Uber and self-driving cars will solve parking and traffic congestion. Cars in "orbit" around a city block or on standby still have to loiter somewhere while they await a passenger. Keeping the engine running means on-demand urban transport will not solve air pollution.

Marc asked Travis whether he knew if Uber had a heart. It was an obvious setup for a discussion of Salesforce's 1/1/1 philosophy and Travis missed a clear opportunity to shine. He meandered into an example of how Amazon is supposedly an inspirational workplace without addressing that culture's dissidents and escapees. Marc again turned the talk back to doing good by discussing the International Red Cross as his inspiration and Travis eventually took the hint that he should discuss generosity. The Uber app allows donations supporting Salesforce's latest charitable theme. That's it, folks. Uber's boss was mostly AWOL while Marc probed for morality. Travis expects Uber to hold "optimistic leadership" in the self-driving car market, but I want to see them exercise some moral leadership first.

The Community Cloud keynote had a few unexpected gems for me. Enterprises have figured out that embedding an impulse purchase button into experts' context discussions makes financial sense. Constant CRM data feeds build the buy recommendations. One of their sample clients was Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA), and I got to meet their founder Paul Rieckhoff for the first time. The IAVA people totally grok that veterans' future communities will be online and not in smoky old halls. Using Salesforce's platform to enroll veterans in benefit programs is an IAVA concept the VA should adopt.

The main keynote with Marc Benioff and friends started filling up very early. The Dreamforce chaperons ensured that we analyst types got to our reserved seats early enough. That's one of the perks I like about being an analyst. I can get used to this VIP treatment. Salesforce deserves kudos for reserving VetForce a section, and the crowd applauded them just for showing up. Military people are great at showing up on time and sitting in designated areas. I do it myself all the time, like with the analyst crowd.

Stevie Wonder was the surprise musical guest at Dreamforce. He played a medley of his biggest hits. The guy is clearly talented and I recognize his skill even if his stuff is not the kind of music I like. I am not very familiar with his repertoire but I don't think "Dreamforce" was in his original lyrics. I learned something today from Dreamforce attendees. Marc Benioff's keynote audience gave VetForce veterans a polite ovation but not everyone stood up. It seemed like a forced and charitable acknowledgement, as if it were a reluctant gift. Stevie Wonder got a much longer and more heartfelt standing ovation from the entire hall (except me, I'm not a fan). Public ovations have emotional content. Virtuosos are irreplaceable but warriors are expendable. Society's verdict is clear. Stevie Wonder makes people feel good. Veterans make people feel bad.

Marc was the genuine article. He thanked veterans, educators, women, and environmental advocates. The audience loved applauding and I joined in more often than I should given my occupation. I learned something about the analyst community today. It is not an analyst's job to applaud on cue. Applause equals advocacy, and analysts must be objective. I must learn to ignore the spectacle and examine the content.

I learned a new phrase called "precision enterprise," based on Marc's inspiration from precision medicine. Maybe I heard it before but forgot it. Parker Harris came out dressed as the fake superhero "Lightning Man" to promote Salesforce's Lightning SaaS. I get it, lightning comes out of a cloud. It was so funny of Marc to feign ignorance of the program's components and pretend to think it was downloadable rather than a cloud SaaS. Parker put down his plastic lightning bolt to pick up a Thor-like hammer for "Thunder," their IoT cloud. He slammed the thing on stage to a huge thunder sound effect. He also had some other prop that looked like a glowing halo on a stick. Wow, these folks go all out with theatrics.

The giant video screens in Moscone South showed lots of torso-length portraits of attractive women who were admins and executives in Salesforce's ecosystem. They showed a few token men later but the women were enough to remind me why I like attending Dreamforce. Tech women can really find great careers in the cloud sector.

The final event for me was the fireside chat (again, no fireplace) between Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella and Wired magazine writer Jessi Hempel. The introductory act was a phenomenal Japanese musician named Yoshiki. The guy excels at both modern rock and classical compositions. He played the piano brilliantly at Dreamforce, finishing with "The Star-Spangled Banner." I want to dwell on his musicianship and its effects for a moment.

Yoshiki performed the gentlest rendition of "The Star-Spangled Banner" I have ever heard. He exhibited musical genius by demonstrating an intimacy with our national anthem that some Americans do not possess. It felt like listening to the language of a grateful admirer, as if the Japanese cherry blossoms in Washington, DC were singing the song. I want to thank Paul Rieckhoff of IAVA for standing up in the front row, reminding all of us to stand for our nation's anthem. He exhibited leadership at that moment even though no Dreamforce authority figure told us to stand, there was no American flag visible as a cue, and the musician could have easily veered off into another composition as an improvisation. When in charge, take charge.

Let's get back to the tech chat. Satya thinks Microsoft has a collective soul. I know at least one ex-Microsoft employee who thinks it does. The "iPhone Pro" joke made its point about loading enterprise-scale apps on a non-native platform. Using the full MS Office suite on smartphones and apps means anyone can collaborate with file management, social media monitoring, and real-time co-editing while mobile.

Satya thinks revenue and profits are lagging success indicators, with usage data better suited as leading indicators. He urged us to have our smartest people build those leading enterprise indicators and monitor the workflows feeding them. He tried a few demos of a spoken audio natural language query, and some bugs were so obvious he needed a hand from a techie backstage. I suspect the audio query misinterpreted his Indian accent.

Satya has a very mature understanding of why partnerships with other platforms matter. Developers have to design with an agnostic view of devices in a market where Microsoft can no longer count on operating system leadership. Satya even sounds a little like Steve Jobs by advocating more computer literacy in education.

I witnessed high-minded thought leaders and quick-thinking moral leaders today. I will now seek out Yoshiki on Spotify for more examples of his talent.

Dreamforce 2015, Day 1: Veterans And Everyone Else

Dreamforce 2015 opened today in San Francisco. I was on hand for technology, punditry, and revelry. Ubiquitous computing means nerds no longer monopolize this mystery cult. Former jocks and cheerleaders now have reason to relive their college glory days after work hours at a major technology convention. My readers can join the fun vicariously.

Here is the majestic entrance to the Dreampark at Dreamforce. It's the part of Howard Street in front of Moscone Center that's blocked off so rock bands can play and adults can lounge in beanbag chairs. I remember they had some giant inflatable cloud-like honeycomb thing in 2013. I must say that I framed that shot really well with the sunlight coming through the clouds. It's totally appropriate for cloud computing.

The Salesforce mascot, SaaSy, makes its rounds among the convention exhibits. I wonder if this thing has its own dedicated driver so it can zip around to all of the Dreamforce hot spots. The prevalence of college-type images is noticeable. The entire neighborhood becomes a "campus." Afterparties don't have togas or kegs but they obviously draw from fraternity and sorority culture. The company has a mascot that cheers on its people from the sidelines of their main event. Dreamforce culture is the perfect reflection of San Francisco's never-ending adolescence. The difference is that the grown-ups on scene make serious money. Somehow it all works as a business.

I give you my obligatory badge selfie. Normally this is the first image I display in a long article about a conference, but not today. I am an analyst. Special people like me get special access to special places like the Press / Analyst Lounge at major conferences. The activities inside the lounge are privileged and confidential. It reminds me of a secure military facility, with better amenities.

Barclays brings London to San Francisco. Barclays fired me in 2007. Note the white banner at the top. Yeah, "client success experience," whatever. The clients were dumb, I had no success, and it was a very bad experience. The financial market chatter about automating CRM never mentions that this will eliminate most of the jobs in sales and support. Buying a dream home is still an emotional trigger and mortgage brokers know it's a hook. It only takes one domain expert to design the decision rules for an AI broker that will pitch more effectively as it learns from thousands of daily client interactions.

I had planned on attending the more prominent keynotes today. The long lines for those of us who were not pre-registered far in advance were a deterrent. I would rather use my time productively than stand in line. I went to a couple of workshops for veterans instead. The audience and speakers were much more to my liking than what I usually encounter at tech shows. Veterans Workshop described their training for moderately and severely disabled veterans. VetsinTech coordinates education, employment, and entrepreneurship for technology-minded veterans in several of its nationwide chapters. I frequently help out VetsinTech and I know they're the real deal. Veterans2Work holds classes year-round in Salesforce administrator certification. Employers need to know the research showing how job candidate aptitude is several times more predictive of performance than a resume or a structured interview. My former employers never understood my military aptitude and were very eager to terminate me.

Salesforce developed its VetForce initiative to get veterans into cloud CRM jobs. A slew of speakers from Salesforce's partner network, many of whom were themselves veterans, spoke about how they recruited and trained veterans to meet their internal hiring goals. They all know the HR research about how veteran-led companies perform well and that's why they are developing the next decade's bench strength now. One vet's biggest tip was to network for advocates inside an enterprise who can unlock hidden job vacancies. I tried that among my alumni networks over a decade ago and all of my potential advocates shut me out precisely because I was a veteran. Maybe times really are changing now that America's wars in the Middle East are no longer horrific news stories.

The expo floor in Moscone West prominently displayed the VetForce agenda. VetForce has a candidate for this election cycle. He's as rich as a wild-haired real estate developer but without a mean streak. He also knows more about email and enterprise security than a typical senior government official.

Check back with me tomorrow to see if anyone other than America's veterans is making a difference in cloud computing. I did pay attention to one space imagery company planning to launch a small constellation of satellites. They see profit in tracking climate change, mining output, and ocean transport activity. Veterans know plenty about satellite imagery and rocketry. There's another natural career fit, at a higher altitude than the cloud.

The Haiku of Finance for 09/14/15

Integrate record
Tech plug loads Excel data
Auto-track the sale

Financial Sarcasm Roundup for 09/14/15 (special Dreamforce 2015 edition)

I am officially registered for Dreamforce 2015, the annual Salesforce motivational festival. I picked up my blogger badge today and you will all get to see it as I blog my way through the action this week. Here are some sneak previews with today's fun.

I attended one of the kickoff parties that Salesforce's many partners use to show off their products. The booze was flowing and the cheese plates were filled to the brim. Apttus throws a pretty good bash. I went up to the Marriott Marquis' Presidential suite to see what Apttus had to show us all.

Apttus had these cookies laid out, all wrapped up and everything. They were made in the image of Marc Benioff, CEO of Salesforce. I find this both unbelievable and awesome. I ate this cookie plus a bunch of other goodies before I went over to the bar for Jello shots. The cookie was classic sugar shortbread, just like your grandparents used to make way the heck back in ye olden days of yore.

Alright, this personality cult is getting out of hand. That's a Lego sculpture of Marc Benioff's bust. Now I need another Jello shot. I should mention that the Jello shots were made with tequila and garnished with an edible flower. I have made "drunken gummys" myself, which are chemically similar to Jello shots.

It wasn't all fun and games up at the Presidential suite. One of the Apttus reps gave me the rundown of how a customer contact spreadsheet in Excel can immediately update a Salesforce contact record via the Apttus interface. I don't need any CRM in my line of work but a lot of people should pay attention.

The Dreamforce massive tech explosion officially starts tomorrow. I am so totally super-psyched. There are usually lots of hot babes at Dreamforce and I fully expect the single ones to find my manliness compelling. It may take a few more Jello shots but I'm sure I can handle the action.

The Haiku of Finance for 08/20/14

Always be closing
Success secret is selling
Revenue matters

The Haiku of Finance for 06/14/14

Odd seasonal sales
Little sense outside retail
Someone can't forecast

The Haiku of Finance for 04/24/14

Amazon prices
Paying tax means fewer sales
There is no way out

The Haiku of Finance for 12/26/13

Sale after Christmas
Markdowns clear inventory
Massive bargain hunt

Salesforce Shows Off Impressive Dreamforce 2013

I have been away from large enterprises for long enough to be in the dark about the latest developments in ERP systems.  I had heard of Salesforce (CRM) from other professionals but I had little idea of what they did.  That's why I had to check out their Dreamforce 2013 extravaganza.  I got the free expo pass but maybe next year I can convince these folks to let me into the exclusive lounge for the investor community.  Security around the entire campus was pretty tight and I was not going to be able to score very much free food unless I could locate some afterparties.

Check out that ginormous inflatable honeycomb.  The Dreamforce people said it was the largest inflatable structure in North America.  It took up the entire street outside Moscone Center and looked like the residence of some science fiction monster.  I was waiting for the Rancor from Star Wars to come out of there and start throwing furniture hither and yon.  It was probably supposed to look like a cloud but my imagination doesn't really match the corporate design mentality.

CNBC financial guru Jim Cramer was broadcasting from Dreamforce Plaza on the first day. Academic studies have shown that a portfolio of his daily stock picks would have underperformed broad market indexes.

My first glance at demos of the Salesforce CRM modules showed me just how far behind the technology curve the US government and its military still lag. A user with a high school education can drag and drop reporting tools into a Salesforce business intelligence dashboard in minutes. A similar analyst for logistics or intelligence systems in the US Army would need weeks of training on incompatible systems.

I started off with the AppExchange partner keynote.  I was unclear on their use of the "seats" metric as a measure of closing new accounts.  Some web searching tells me that seat counts are the number of users in an enterprise who subscribe to that company's license for Salesforce modules.  Okay, got it.  The Salesforce leaders speaking at this keynote expect an eventual $1T wealth transfer to the cloud and claimed that 70% of venture investment deals are now for enterprise solutions.  That confirms what I've heard at other conferences now that VCs have lost interest in consumer deals.  Salesforce calls their partners "ISVs" which I take to mean independent software vendors.  I can't see why they portray having 63% of their users with one app and 23% of their users with five apps as some kind of smashing success.  That divergence looks to me like Salesforce customers mostly prefer single servings rather than a smorgasbord of integrated products.  They introduced their market segment focus for the next year and I noticed that their six chosen sectors were all bubble-driven.  Automotive, media, consumer retail, financial services, health care, and the public sector are all at the peak of their employment curves because they are all driven to some extent by the Federal Reserve's quantitative easing.  I hope Salesforce can quickly pivot to serving the hard asset sectors once hyperinflation kicks in.

All of the AppExchange speakers concurred that business domain knowledge is way more important than tech knowledge when operating ERP systems.  That pretty much confirms what I heard at Decision CAMP about BRMS.  Domain experts understand verticals' performance metrics and can hire any tech mercenaries they need to build apps.  I totally admire Salesforce's ability to stroke their customers.  Time after time they showcased their biggest clients at these keynotes.  They invited even their smaller customers to get on stage and share their love for Salesforce solutions.  These small players get free publicity and independent validation for their business models just for standing on a platform at Dreamforce.  The VC money going to Salesforce's ISVs ($2B by their claim) must be driving the addition of accelerator-specific functionality to their AppExchange.  Let's see if accelerators start directing their startups to launch apps on AppExchange Accelerate.  I noticed that all of the men who spoke at this keynote wore conservative suits and ties.  The women wore conservative suits with no visible cleavage (darn it) and either pantsuits or dark hosiery (darn it again, I'm a leg man).  I've never seen such conservative dress at a tech conference.  I was in the back of this keynote going "Woo, Salesforce, yeah!" just to see who noticed my exuberance.  I exchanged smirks with a couple of nearby onlookers who were probably not Salesforce employees.

The Cloud Alliance keynote had senior Salesforce honchos Tyler Prince and Keith Block joking about who would have the best afterparty.  If these people want me at their afterparties, they need to tout free food and booze, plus attractive women.  The system integration consultants in attendance seemed to define themselves by the size of their practice they commit to working on the leading ERP brands, with SAP and Oracle as Salesforce's main competitors.  Consultants have the vertical-specific domain expertise that can figure out where Salesforce's solutions are supposed to fit.  Now I'm starting to wonder how different my career might have been if I had gone to work for one of these leading consulting firms instead of financial service providers.  I learned a new word from the parade of consultants on stage:  "enablement."  I attend these conferences to provide some enablement for my career, in every sense of that word.  The keynoters avoided mentioning the Affordable Care Act in their pursuit of the health care vertical, which is smart if they don't want to look bad when it is eventually repealed or just collapses.  Check out Gartner's Magic Quadrant rating for Salesforce because these square-jawed top execs sure like it.  A lot of these Salesforce guys on stage sure looked like former athletes or frat boys who grew up and parlayed their amiability into sales careers.

The conference even had a talk just for those of us who were new to Dreamforce.  They claim the title of the world's largest software conference but the metric they threw around of 135K attendees seems too high for the physical space of Moscone Center.  There's an obvious rivalry here with Oracle and some of my colleagues who attended told me later that Dreamforce is a lot like Oracle OpenWorld, which I unfortunately missed this year.  One meme that pervaded this talk and the entire conference was the Salesforce 1/1/1 philosophy of giving 1% of their time, product, and earnings to charity.  I think that's pretty cool.  These Salesforce acolytes said the line for Marc's keynote typically formed up early.  I had to admire the party-line worship of this guy because everybody was staying on message.

Marc Benioff had a conversation on disruptive innovation with Drew Houston of Dropbox.  Marc was sporting some extremely shiny customized Christian Louboutin shoes with cloud motifs.  Billionaire CEOs can wear whatever they please including custom high-tops.  They shared some baloney about Pearl Jam being authentic and not selling out.  Uh, fellas, Pearl Jam was the best-selling rock band in the world for years and now they have enough money to do whatever they want, including playing obscure songs in backwater venues.  I don't think major cloud providers want to go down that road.  This was the first keynote where I noticed Marc had what looked like a wearable device on his left wrist, which he later confirmed in his own keynote to be a Fitbit wristband.  I was expecting some major revelations about how to build a successful company but Drew's lessons were the same things I'd heard elsewhere about how the founder's role becomes less technical and more managerial as a company grows.  I was dismayed to hear that Dropbox pursued acquisitions as a hiring strategy.  That's something very large companies do to secure key talent in a few product development roles called acqui-hires.  A startup buying another startup just to hire a few people seems to me like a waste of money.  Hey entrepreneurs, you can can scale up your sales and technical staff through temp-to-hire firms and still be flexible.  Marc said he knows he's winning when boilerplate media stories appear about dominant players destroying him.  That's totally gratifying.  I want my own ego stroked by lots of negative press if it drives traffic to my site and blogs.

My first glimpse of Marc in action on stage with Drew was instructive in how rock star CEOs build successful personality cults.  Now I see why there was a line out the door for Marc's talk.  The earlier keynotes would burst into spontaneous applause when Salesforce executives announced the firm's successes.  There must be lots of employees planted in the high-profile keynotes to make that reaction look spontaneous.  Marc's emphasis on formalizing the 1/1/1 paradigm in Salesforce's ethos gives the firm an emotional hook when it engages customers.  I've also blogged before about how one of the key drivers of a corporation's culture is its CEO's personality.  Marc's public persona endorses generosity, innovation, pay-it-forward, and giving back.  People inside Salesforce who want to move up will follow suit or at least go through the motions in public.  People outside Salesforce who want to see what all the magic is about will line up for Marc's morning keynote because they want to be like him.  BTW, I noticed that neither Marc nor Drew were wearing neckties.  Real techies don't wear neckties.  Former fraternity/sorority types who gravitate to sales careers wear neckties because they have to impress the tech types who employ them.

Dreamforce uses its time efficiently. The top-tier stages were full of intermission speakers in between keynotes, hosted by longtime tech guru Peter Coffee.  Salesforce brought out their chiefs of strategy and trust (aka security) because that stuff matters in the cloud.  I guess major corporate events need warm-up acts.  I actually ran into Mr. Coffee (no jokes please) later in the week outside the conference.  He was a nice guy and his public persona is genuine.

Vivek Kundra gave his keynote on becoming a customer company, which of course supports the Salesforce theme of the year pushing the "Internet of Customers."  I tried to figure out what he meant by the market / sell / service / build hierarchy but I don't see how that's an improvement over time-tested customer acquisition cycles.  Sometimes corporations make up stuff as they go along because they can't remember the four marketing P's of product, price, placement, and promotion we all learned in business school.  Salesforce has to contend with Microsoft Dynamics in this space.  It's cool that Salesforce's tools have drag-and-drop interfaces so domain users can build their own dashboards.  They even have geolocation tools in there.  Man, I've really been away from enterprises.  The typical dashboard's team chatter and heavy graphics are reminiscent of Facebook's wall.  Their Work.com platform means no employee can hide from fact-based HR checkups, which is precisely why Salesforce will never be able to sell this to government agencies.

The next morning's keynote with Marc Benioff really did have massive lines for the main showroom, so I had to occupy an overflow room at the Marriott Marquis.  Salesforce continued to stroke their biggest clients and partners during the intermission displays.  I would like to know how companies define the ROI of splashy events.  Does all this hoopla with concerts and speakers add to net income?  The benefit of closing a big new account is lost somewhere in the aggregation of the show's total cost.  Salesforce's Safe Harbor statements prior to each keynote mean that we shouldn't make our investment decisions on anything these executives say, especially when they say how great Salesforce is at making things happen.  Read the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995 to see just how hard it will be to sue any public company that says anything about itself.

Marc Benioff gave his long-awaited keynote.  I'm used to keynotes at trade shows that showcase industry knowledge and innovation.  Single-sponsor keynotes are mutual lovefests between clients, executives, and employees.  Huey Lewis and the News opened the keynote with "Back In Time" and they suck just as badly now as they did back then.  I know corporate events need acceptable, cleaned-up rock bands and these guys are locals.  Still, they sucked.  I liked "Back to the Future" when I was a pre-teen because I had only tasted mass-produced lowbrow entertainment in my youth.  My tastes are now far more refined.

Marc came out thanking everyone.  Rock star CEOs do that.  The whole point of opening with a rock band is to drive home the message that the CEO belongs on the same stage to receive unquestioning adoration.  He showed off his wearable medical device, his 1/1/1 philosophy, and the sick kids who eagerly await the completion of UCSF Benioff Children's Hospital.  I gotta hand it to this guy.  Nothing tugs heartstrings like images of sick kids smiling and getting well.  The advertisements around San Francisco for this in-progress hospital have been visible for weeks but only now did I draw the connection between that PR campaign and Dreamforce.  The health care sector is one of Salesforce's announced target markets and a big tax writeoff for Marc matches a UCSF business relationship perfectly.  I don't know whether UCSF is also a Salesforce client but the utility of such a showpiece partner for the health care sector is an undeniably compelling affiliation.  The overflow audience applauded the UCSF video and I looked behind me to see if the Salesforce hall monitors for the room had instigated that reaction.  I was curious about that because I've never seen such behavior in an audience that was physically remote from a speaker.  I could not identify the corporate plants and was left to wonder whether a corporate do-gooder model is really so compelling to people.  Sentiment has implications for B-Corporation certification if it can live without paid prompters.

Prime Minister of Haiti Laurent Lamothe, supermodel Petra Nemcova, and superjerk Sean Penn showed up to thank Salesforce for supporting their charity work in Haiti.  I've seen photos of Petra without her clothing so it was disappointing to see her fully dressed.  She's very articulate but that's not what held my attention while the camera had her in frame.  Sean Penn looked like he didn't even want to be there.  Actors who think they can rehab their immature images through high-visibility charity work have not all figured out how to be better human beings.  I'm pretty sure I saw superinvestor Ron Conway in the audience but Marc didn't ask him to speak.  Marc segued over to Huey Lewis for "The Power of Love" and they still sucked.

Marc has a very expansive speaking style and uses words like "amazing, phenomenal" pretty heavily.  He went into overdrive when his co-founder Parker Harris drove a Tesla onto the stage dressed like Doc from, you know it, "Back to the Future."  They had obviously rehearsed their skit about how the Salesforce1 platform was the future of cloud computing but they kept breaking character with winks and nods.  Come on, we know this great software thing isn't really from the future and neither is the gag "CEO Mood Detector" app with Marc's image.  It was a cute skit.

Some other top Salesforce honchos pushed their product lines' cloud capabilities.  We're going to see service techs wearing Google Glass and sales reps pulling Big Data feeds from their smartwatches during prospecting meetings.  Sales managers love drip campaigns but they never worked for me.  They will work now because every drip will be fully and automatically customized.  Marketing managers can even design campaigns around query results because everything comes with linked data.  Parker Harris went "Back to the Future" to show us the tech that's already here.  Don't even try to fight the future.  There's no going back.
I had to see this live and not just for the cameos of people like Meg Whitman.  Some combination of ringers in the audience and the emotional hook of philanthropy set the tone for Marc's sales pitch of Salesforce.  Emotional connections matter and even the smartest people in the audience think this way.  Marc described his people as "doing God's work" several times.  Good for him if he means it.

I made my rounds through the expo floors in between these keynote sales pitches.  The one most important technical point I learned is that services exist to transform MS Excel files into apps.  That is a technique I'll have to explore.  Some of the financial models I've built might work as freemium apps if I can configure them for app stores.

There was some breaking news from Dreamforce 2013:  Alfidi Capital takes over NBC Universal.  Nah, actually I just occupied a chair in the fake studio NBC set up for its exhibit.  Let's go in for a close-up.

The week's biggest news story should have been this heartwarming tale from San Francisco about Yours Truly, a veteran-turned-financier who takes Dreamforce 2013 by storm.  There was no teleprompter but the TV camera was impressive.  Teleprompter mastery has been a prerequisite for the Presidency since 1960.  It has not yet overtaken the bloodline requirement.

I had one very serendipitous moment as I headed into Moscone South for another keynote.  I ran into Parker Harris, co-founder of Salesforce, at Dreamforce 2013.  Mr. Harris is on my right (your left).  The other gentleman in the photo is the chief developer of their new flagship product, Salesforce1.  Mr. Harris is probably a genius given his academic background and he was super-nice for agreeing to a picture.  He is rich enough and smart enough to do whatever he likes in life.  That's my inspiration for attending.

I didn't get much from the keynote pitch for Data.com other than an appreciation for Salesforce's ability to obtain some very cool Internet domain names.  If clean data is really valuable then I need to get my Excel models out as apps, so the world can see how I value data as a financial asset.  I skipped a lot of the other product keynotes because I just don't use the products, and I missed out on Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer's event due to a conflicting event I had to attend in San Jose.  I know she's hot and all that but I heard she was boring.  I'm busy, folks.  It's not easy being a CEO because I'm in demand.

I also did not attend the evening concert with Blondie and Green Day.  Blondie isn't my type of music but those who are curious can check out their lead singer Debbie Harry for the many unclad figure studies she gave the world in her youth.  She looked magnificent and she is not a natural Blondie, if you know what I mean.  I have never seen Green Day live but they've always been rumored to be a corporate simulation of a punk rock band.  No corporate event would ever employ a real punk band so that must be the case.

One very important Salesforce partner appeared as the warm-up to the Facebook lady's keynote.  Veterans2Work had an expo booth and was invited on stage to showcase the veterans who completed Salesforce Administrator training.  They need more corporate sponsors to pay the vets' tuition.  The organization uses Salesforce products to manage their contacts and recruiting pipeline, and they credit the 1/1/1 model for providing them with support.  I hate to think that vets would be unemployable without training on specific product brands but that's the reality of today's workplace.  I like to think that companies doing business with the federal government would hire veterans for their security clearances and knowledge of the procurement system.

Sheryl Sandberg's keynote scored me a free copy of her book Lean In.  I am now curious about how many bestselling hardcover titles are driven by bulk corporate purchases as event giveaways.  Marc and Sheryl came out and the first thing he mentioned was her early mentor Larry Summers.  I noted from Marc's background that he was also recognized very early in his career and fast-tracked to stardom.  It's clear to me from these anecdotes that corporate leaders must show early promise to become top leaders.  There are no such things as late bloomers in large enterprises.  Any college graduate who isn't selected for a management track by their mid-20s will stay at the entry level forever.  If you don't get your Springsteen / Cox "Dancing In The Dark" moment where someone plucks you out of a crowd for stardom by age 25, you may as well become an entrepreneur because otherwise you'll spend the next four decades warming a chair in customer service.

I don't think I need to repeat Sheryl's great points on empowering women other than to note that her comment on laundry chores got a sustained audience reaction that even Marc wouldn't touch.  I can totally relate to the discouraging messages Sheryl says women get about their career ambitions.  I got those same messages because of my military background.  Marc gave Sheryl a light hug at the end of their talk, but would he have hugged a male executive in the same way?  He sure didn't hug Parker Harris during their earlier "Back to the Future" keynote skit and they've had a much more involved history of working together.  If we're going to take Sheryl's advice on addressing gender differences then let's start by addressing hugs.  Either everyone gets one or nobody gets one if we're serious about treating people equally.

Marc also said during his talk with Sheryl that he likes military metaphors, "surge" and all.  I'd like to know whether Salesforce hires military veterans, either from Veterans2Work or other sources.  I'd like to know whether they participate in Hero2Hired or Hiring Our Heroes.  Gender equality begets equality for other underrepresented demographics.

The only other keynote I had time to attend on the final day of Dreamforce was Dr. David Agus.  Everybody who's anybody has a Steve Jobs story and Dr. Agus said Steve asked him to change the title of his book to something more positive and declarative.  Steve understood marketing.  I liked what the doctor said about how controlling complex emergent systems doesn't mean we always have to understand them.  My analogy to finance is that capital markets are complex emergent systems and that a hedge fund manager's estimation of how stock prices change is less important that knowing how simple macro inputs will move markets.  I'll betcha human health works that way too.  I'll also betcha that the quantified self plus gamification motivate people to make healthier choices.  The doctor said move more and you'll live longer, and your body likes regularity in sleep and meals.  That's awesome advice.  I'm no expert on proteomics or microbiomics so don't ask me how those fields operate.  I do think that the Human Microbiome Project is a high-level counterpart to DIY biohacking, and that the ACA's Federal Data Services Hub will eventually be able to push the results from this project and other research efforts into the HealthData stream.  Health sector disruption must be data-driven.

I did score a free copy of Dr. Deepak Chopra's latest book on my way out of the keynote room but I didn't have time to hear him talk.  The guy is controversial and I've never studied him closely enough to hold an opinion of his work.  Give me some time to read his work and his critics' views.

Dreamforce was totally worth my time.  It inspired me to host my own high-level business event.  I am seriously thinking about launching "AlfidiFest" in 2014 to capture the spirit of self-promoting, ego-driven corporate showcases.  I can't promise anything that will give Dreamforce or Oracle OpenWorld a run for their money right away but it should carry some familiar themes.  My AlfidiFest will feature attractive women providing me with grown-up beverages and entertainment.  The main event will be me showcasing my genius.  The most suitable venue might be a bar in SoMa but if it succeeds then I'll have to consider Moscone Center in future years.  Until then, there's always next year's Dreamforce.