‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through my head
Not a stock pick was stirring, ‘cuz the market was dead
The blog posts were published on the Web with no care
In hopes that some readers would soon be aware
My female admirers were home in their beds
While visions of Yours Truly danced in their heads
When on CNBC.com there arose such a clatter
I clicked on live streaming to see what was the matter
I zoomed to full screen view and turned up the sound
In case some “money honey” was hanging around
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
Why, it’s ol’ Ben Bernanke, smirking from ear to ear
More rapid than QE, his big banks all came
He read off the ticker and called them by name
“Goldman Sachs!
Morgan Stanley! JPMorgan and more!
Wells Fargo, Bank of America, more bailouts in store!
To the top of the market!
To the top of the charts!
I’ll bail you all out with fancy monetary arts!”
So out of my laptop the big bankers flew
With a sleigh full of cash, and Helicopter Ben too
He was dressed in Brooks Brothers, a well-tailored suit
No doubt it was paid for with middle-class loot
He demanded I hand him my brokerage account
I told him “No way!
I’ll give you no such amount!”
He pleaded on behalf of some fat banker elf
He was shocked when I told him, “Go eff-yourself.”
Ben remained indignant, he wanted to know
Why I wouldn’t relent, so I told him so
“I work hard for my money, and I save and invest
I pay some in taxes and keep all the rest
I’m tired of bailing out bankers and fools
You don’t know what you’re doing, even with all your
tools.”
I gave him the finger, right in front of his nose
He turned on his heel once he knew he was hosed
He slumped in his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle
They flew back to the Fed, like a heat-seeking missile
But I heard Ben exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight
“Christmas won’t be so merry once there’s capital flight!”